Love has a way of softening edges. It encourages generosity, trust and the belief that things will somehow work out. But when it comes to money, those same instincts can quietly open the door to financial harm — long before the warning signs are obvious.
While much is said about how unhealthy relationships affect emotional and mental wellbeing, far less attention is paid to how the wrong relationship decisions can damage financial health. Yet financial stress, especially when driven by well-intentioned but poorly understood choices made in the name of love, remains one of the most common and destructive pressures couples face.
This February, the National Debt Counselling Association (NDCA) is urging consumers to look beyond romantic gestures and consider the long-term financial implications of relationship decisions — and how the wrong ones can push couples into serious debt trouble.
“People don’t always realise how undisclosed debt, credit obtained on behalf of others, or credit taken out during a previous relationship can cause tension between even the most lovestruck couples,” says René Moonsamy, chairperson of the NDCA.
One of the most critical realities couples overlook is legal responsibility. In South Africa, the obligation to repay borrowed money rests with the person whose name appears on the credit agreement — regardless of who benefits from the credit.
“Credit follows the contract, not the relationship,” Moonsamy explains. “Emotional agreements between parties have no legal standing. If you take out credit on behalf of someone you love and they miss repayments, it will negatively affect your credit record. This may limit your access to further credit, or result in you having to pay higher interest rates because you are deemed to be higher risk.”
Another common danger arises when old debt follows someone into a new relationship. Debt incurred in a previous partnership can strain a new one, particularly if it is concealed. When a partner eventually discovers undisclosed debt, the damage is often emotional and financial.
This risk is especially high when credit was granted based on a combined household income. If that relationship ends and one partner stops contributing, the remaining debtor may be left carrying the full financial burden — along with the risk of over-indebtedness that can spill into future relationships.
There is also a widespread misconception that divorce decrees remove liability for debt. While a divorce order may allocate responsibility between spouses, it does not bind credit providers. Where debt is joint, both parties may remain legally responsible, even after the marriage has ended.
Understanding South Africa’s marriage regimes is therefore essential, as they determine how assets and liabilities are treated during marriage and in the event of divorce.
If no ante-nuptial contract (ANC) is signed before marriage, the couple is married in community of property, meaning all assets and liabilities are shared. If one partner is struggling with debt, both are affected equally.
An ANC places the marriage out of community of property, keeping assets and liabilities separate. There are two forms of ANC — with accrual and without accrual. Accrual allows for separate ownership during the marriage, while sharing the growth in the value of each spouse’s estate. Without accrual, assets and liabilities remain entirely separate, with no shared growth.
Ultimately, the NDCA stresses that financial transparency is not a threat to love — it is a protection for it.
Their advice is clear:
-
Have honest, upfront conversations to prevent long-term damage
-
Understand each other’s financial priorities to avoid conflict later
-
Work towards common financial goals
-
Agree on spending limits
-
Seek professional help when needed
-
If planning to marry, fully understand the implications of being married in or out of community of property, and the difference between the two types of ante-nuptial contracts
Love may be built on trust, but financial security is built on understanding. Ignoring that reality can turn romance into regret — one debt agreement at a time.
